Babes in Kong Land

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by Brian

When you get a movie like Babes in Kongland to review, you make all kinds of assumptions about what to expect. You would likely assume that this is yet another in a long-line of parody flicks with plenty of low-brow humour interspersed with lots of T&A, kind of like the stuff Seduction Cinema is famous for (as a matter of fact, Secret Key is also a subsidiary of Seduction's parent company, Alternative Cinema). There's a guy in a gorilla suit, and some babes in bikinis. It all sounds very familiar...and not just because the movie was originally released as Planet of the Erotic Ape back in 2002.

But then the movie starts, and the first thing we get is a very naked woman masturbating quite explicitly in a bathtub. While not exactly porno material, there is plenty of pink to be seen. Then we are transported to a TV/VCR repair shop, where Mad Scientist George Taylor (Bill Randolph) and his hapless assistant create a machine that transports Taylor to a planet where women have banished men to the Forbidden Zone. They are left to find their primary sexual release with an ape (and with each other, natch), which they proceed to with vigour do each time the dialog stops long enough for them to start grabbing at each other.

Of course, any semblance of a plot is really just an excuse to string together a bunch of sex scenes, and director Lou Vockell has even dug into the vaults to bring out an older clip with Julie Strain and Monique Gabrielle. But many of the scenes feature two lesbian lovers, Addie Morton and Candy Doll, who seem very into each other, and their chemistry seems genuine and in some parts of the movie, extremely genuine.

Babes is definitely all over the place sexually. From the more tame, "posed" type of scenes with dubbed-over music we go to scenes with lots of kink and fetish, such as a nice firm spanking and some erotic foodplay that with a bit of imagination could easily turn into something scatological. When the sound of the action is allowed to be heard, it is often complete with dirty talk and the sounds of moans and slapping flesh. But often, it is jazz or classical music we hear, or even at one point, something that sounds like it was lifted right off a 60's nudie-cutie reel.

When the ape finally starts getting his groove on with the local ladies, the Kink Meter, well, that goes off the scale. As does the Bizarre Meter. I've seen some funky stuff over the years, and this was definitely one of the stranger softcore moments to watch. (I was just thankful this wasn't like Walerian Borowcyzk's La Bête and no furry schlong popped out of his shorts.) When the ape reveals his new love interest (in an overdubbed British accent, nonetheless), ape movie absurdity is taken to new heights. Whether or not that is a good thing is a matter of personal taste.

Babes in Kongland is not for those looking for big-budget starlets with perfect bodies being filmed through camera filters and soft-focus lenses; these girls are all-natural ladies, with all of the so-called flaws and imperfections that implies. Yes, there's some less than stellar hair and makeup; yes, there's a few extra pounds here and there. There's nothing wrong with that, tastes are personal and to each their own. But one gets the impression that the Julia/Monique scene was inserted to raise the T&A quality quotient a bit, maybe add a bit of star power weight.

The enthusiasm of the performers and the kinky play gives this one a bit of an edge, but it is definitely one of those movies you know if you'll like just by looking at the boxcover. You can pretty much judge the book by the cover in this case, as the movie is completely honest with itself.

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